A Heart to Give
I left my heart in Haiti in June 2010. As my plane ascended over the ocean, the Haitian shores clouded over, and the island of Hispaniola became a distant sight but far from a distant memory. I was forever changed.
My husband, Shawn, and I took our first trip to Haiti six months after the 7.0 magnitude earthquake ravaged the nation on January 12th, 2010. The infrastructure was not in place to withstand so much displacement, death, and devastation. The country of Haiti crumbled on every front—from the buildings to the hearts of the people.
There are so many stories to tell, so many profound moments, and even a miracle that saved our lives from disaster, but the most profound moment for me was in the heart of Port-Au-Prince near the capitol building—Haiti’s “White House.”
June 15th, 2010, Journal Entry: As we were approaching the capital, we went through the national park, the largest in Haiti, adorned with national flags, statues, and monuments. The first scene we saw after rounding the corner to the main intersection was rows and rows of port-a-potties. The national park is now a tent city full of masses of people. So many people are displaced and lost. The people of this city look like walking death. Many seem like zombies. No one smiles. I can’t imagine being dirty all the time. Not only are there piles of rubble but piles of garbage burning throughout the streets. To see the capital building demolished was surreal. It’s hard to believe, just like the Titanic, this building was said to be unshakable.
Each time we came to a stop, children ran up to our vehicle, asking for money. Our guide, Jean Berr, spoke so gently to them. We weren’t allowed to give them anything because we would be mobbed if we did. If resources are available, the people will come in droves. But all I can do is pray. I asked for my prayers to become worth far more than anything I could hand out the window. Lord, make it so!
When I want to weep, the Lord says, “Not now.” When we first arrived, I wanted to wail. He told me, “Now is not the time. There is work to be done.” So from time to time, sometimes minute to minute, I hear the words, “Not now.”
The hardest moment for me was when a mother walked up to our vehicle with her baby in the tent city. The fact that I couldn’t give her anything weighed so heavy on my heart, I think it broke. I walk through my daily life making kind gestures, lending a hand, and giving money or gifts of my choosing. And at this moment, I have no choice. I have to sit here in this Suburban.
We could see her desperation as she lightly tapped on the window. Her actions were so faint it made you wonder if she had eaten anything in the last week. Yet, she was beautiful.
Words cannot express how this type of moment feels when you know she’s desperate, and you are sitting on the other side of that window, unable to help her. She approached the other side of the vehicle, and my friend looked at her and shook her head ‘no.’ I was so broken I had to look down. I was ashamed at that moment, not of her, but of myself. I had to look down because I couldn’t handle it. I wanted out. My heart felt chained. I had the heart to give but could not.
On our second trip to Haiti, my beloved husband and I visited an orphanage in Port-Au- Prince. It felt like Christmas to me. To do nothing but hug and love on orphans all day is the greatest gift. This is not only “true religion” according to James 1:27, but PURE JOY!
We watched Sunday morning as the children began wandering out to the front yard. The missionary led them in worship while waiting for the rest to join. Shawn and I were amazed at how 60 toddlers and school-aged children could get themselves dressed and ready for church on their own.
We learned they would miss their TV time for the week if they were late! But, without a doubt, the older ones made sure, the younger ones were ready. It was brutally sobering to watch the kids climb into a delivery truck with bars like a cage, but this was the norm. The bars were for their protection from kidnapping as they traveled.
At church, the group of orphans filled a third of the sanctuary. Again, Shawn and I were amazed at how all the children sat quietly for two hours. As a teacher and a mom, I know this is quite an accomplishment! The missionaries have a laser pointer they use to shine on the kids who are misbehaving. The laser is their first and only warning. Kids notify the ones next to them if they’ve been identified with a beam of light at the back of the head. If their mischievousness continues, they must sit in the back of the church by themselves, which rarely happens, as we were told.
When it came time for the offering, I witnessed the orphans pass the plate with nothing to give. It hit hard. How did they feel? What were they thinking? They knew what that plate was for, yet they didn’t even own the clothes on their back. Clothing is shared, and toys are brought out and returned. They are well provided for, but they have nothing of their own. They are “the least of these,” as the Bible describes. Even if one of these precious little ones has the heart to give to their Lord Jesus, they cannot.
If there is one thing I have learned through the years, it’s that God looks at our motive in all things. He sees our motive when we give in abundance, whether we are pleasing ourselves by acquiring recognition of others or joyfully offering our possessions to the Lord for His choosing. He also sees our motive when we have nothing to give; whether there is resentment or a heart to share. God looks at the heart. Even if all we have to give is a prayer in a Suburban in the middle of Port-Au-Prince, we can still give.
“Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds,
and to be generous and willing to share.
In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age,
so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life.”
1 Timothy 6:18-19
Michelle Hearn – The Bible Lady is a wife to Shawn and a mom of two married children which makes her a proud mama of four. As a graduate of Dallas Theological Seminary, Michelle holds a Master of Biblical and Theological Studies with the desire to TEACH TRUTH and LOVE WELL. She serves on the board of TeacHaiti.org, founder of The Bible Project, and speaks at women and teen conferences. See michellehearn.com for more information.